My Village: Making Motherhood & Business Work
This blog post has been on my heart for two years now. Having a child was the single most challenging yet painfully beautiful I’ve ever had in my life. My mom had four children and was a natural homemaker and mother. She made it look easy! I have so many wonderful childhood memories of at-home crafts, after-school activities, dance, sports and family vacations.
While I “knew” life would change once our first baby arrived, I had no idea the transformation that would take place for me physically, spiritually and emotionally. I gave birth to Rosemary in March 2021, in the middle of the pandemic. I took 3 months of maternity leave and then began returning to team calls at Ringlet and slowly adding on project-based work. I was beyond grateful that my cousin was able to take a year to be a live-in nanny for us beginning in June 2021. By mid-August we launched Ringlet business coaching and I was working 40-50 hours per week from home.
In mid-October I found out we were expecting baby #2. I get pretty sick during pregnancy so that fall was especially difficult. I remember thinking over and over: “How is this suppose to work? How am I suppose to raise this tiny human while also running two companies, supporting my husband, remembering to exercise and eat vegetables and possibly returning texts to friends once in a while?!”
Right now I would be lying to you if I said I had this figured out. I have spoken with a lot of friends who agree that figuring our how to make this work and family flow happen is ever-evolving. However, I wanted to write out a list of my “village”, all of the people that have been involved in my life and my family’s lives in the lat 2.5 years.
Before I go into this list, I want to acknowledge that I come from a place of privilege. We are a heteronormative, white, middle-class family in America. It’s a sad fact that the U.S. does so little to support maternal and family health and well-being. My goal for writing this all out is to show just how much it takes to make this all “happen”, “it” meaning working and raising children as a woman. If someone with so much privilege and resources is struggling, then there are certainly many others out there who are struggling more so.
Without further ado, here is my current village:
OBGYN: I have been with the same practice for both pregnancies. I had wished for a widwife but wasn’t able to find a practice in our area.
Postpartum Doula: With babies so close together, once I found out I was pregnant with Emilia, I immediately started looking for a postpartum doula. We had our incredible doula, Erin, with us from from the week after we arrived home from the hospital through month 4 postpartum. She would arrive Tuesday and Thursday evenings at 9pm and stay with Emilia until 7am in a different room from Hunter and me (she would feed her breast milk via bottle throughout the night as needed). I can’t stress enough how critical Erin’s work with us has been to my long-term mental and emotional health postpartum.
Live-In Family: As of April 2022, we have been blessed to be living with Hunter’s aunt and uncle. We brought Emilia home to our shared house and they have been involved in our day-to-day life. It’s been amazing and I’m going to be so sad when they leave in May 2023.
Nanny: After my cousin left for law school this summer, we started having a family friend watch both babies 9am-3:30pm Wednesdays and Thursdays. These are my concentrated work days.
Family Close By: We made a conscious decision when we married to put down roots near family and were able to make it work with our jobs. My mom is 25 minutes away from us and Hunter’s family is a 3 hours car ride away. My MIL visits once a month and my mom helps me with the girls at least one day a week.
Physical Therapist: I started PT four months after having Rosie to address my lower back pain. I started it up again when I was 6 months along with Emilia for pelvic floor issues. It has again been critical to my healing after carrying and birthing two babies in 24 months.
Counselor: I have been seeing my therapist for a few years now and being able to process all of this transition has been necessary with a professional.
Pediatrician: My daughters’ pediatrician was actually my own pediatrician growing up! Her practice is 15 minutes from our house and their office is very responsive.
So there’s my village! That is a long list. As you can see, it includes a lot of people. It is not in my nature to ask for help but motherhood has truly made me embrace vulnerability and my neediness.
Who’s in your village?